It was 4th of July and I don't have any pictures. Apparently my camera was in my swim bag. I didn't put it there. I will give you two guesses who put it there. Things 1 and 2 - Chance and Sophie. Although on second thought, I could have put it there and forgotten since afore mentioned Things 1 and 2 have depleted all my brain cells. Sometimes I really do feel like a mental person. I mean, really. If they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results, than I must be mental.
Most of the time, we write shiny, happy blog posts about our lives. Which is great. And really, life is great. Someone told me a quote lately though-- or maybe I saw it on TV or something or read it on someone else's blog, so if one of YOU is the one who told it to me, I'm not plagiarizing -- I just cant remember-- that sums up how I feel lately. Anyway, the quote was something to the affect of "when you are the parent of little kids, the days are long and the years are short." How perfect.
Lately, every day feels like a battle. It's all we can do to make it till bedtime. And I hate feeling that way. I love my children. I mean LOVE. And I'm grateful for the summers to be with them. But sometimes, it's enough to drive me to drink. And not my children so much...maybe my own inabilities to handle my children. Parenting certainly is not for the faint of heart.
Everyday I feel like I'm forever screwing up my child's life. I love newborns. Maybe because I don't feel like I can mess them up that badly. But once they hit 3 and 4 all of a sudden it's like, "oh wait -- I'm responsible for actually rearing you into some sort of nurturing, caring, moral human being" -- and I'm failing miserably, it seems.
Chance in particular has really been tough lately. Nothing seems to get though to him. It's like he has no conscience. He literally sat in the dark, in time out, in his room for almost 2 hours today completely un-phased by what he had done. So, spanking doesn't work, time out doesn't work, screaming like a crazy person doesn't work, taking toys away doesn't work -- WHAT DOES?
I suppose that's why I need to remember cute moments like this: While in the car with a friend and her kids, Chance had this conversation:
Friend: My mom's a nurse
Chance: my mom's a school teacher
Friend: my dad's a _______(can't remember)
Chance: my dad's a money-maker
I was laughing so hard!
I guess the hope of my heart -- and every parent, is that the Lord will make up for our shortcomings. I know that He loves my children enough to make up for what I'm lacking and I just pray that I can work to have the patience, love, and understanding that the Lord does with them.
Most of the time, we write shiny, happy blog posts about our lives. Which is great. And really, life is great. Someone told me a quote lately though-- or maybe I saw it on TV or something or read it on someone else's blog, so if one of YOU is the one who told it to me, I'm not plagiarizing -- I just cant remember-- that sums up how I feel lately. Anyway, the quote was something to the affect of "when you are the parent of little kids, the days are long and the years are short." How perfect.
Lately, every day feels like a battle. It's all we can do to make it till bedtime. And I hate feeling that way. I love my children. I mean LOVE. And I'm grateful for the summers to be with them. But sometimes, it's enough to drive me to drink. And not my children so much...maybe my own inabilities to handle my children. Parenting certainly is not for the faint of heart.
Everyday I feel like I'm forever screwing up my child's life. I love newborns. Maybe because I don't feel like I can mess them up that badly. But once they hit 3 and 4 all of a sudden it's like, "oh wait -- I'm responsible for actually rearing you into some sort of nurturing, caring, moral human being" -- and I'm failing miserably, it seems.
Chance in particular has really been tough lately. Nothing seems to get though to him. It's like he has no conscience. He literally sat in the dark, in time out, in his room for almost 2 hours today completely un-phased by what he had done. So, spanking doesn't work, time out doesn't work, screaming like a crazy person doesn't work, taking toys away doesn't work -- WHAT DOES?
I suppose that's why I need to remember cute moments like this: While in the car with a friend and her kids, Chance had this conversation:
Friend: My mom's a nurse
Chance: my mom's a school teacher
Friend: my dad's a _______(can't remember)
Chance: my dad's a money-maker
I was laughing so hard!
I guess the hope of my heart -- and every parent, is that the Lord will make up for our shortcomings. I know that He loves my children enough to make up for what I'm lacking and I just pray that I can work to have the patience, love, and understanding that the Lord does with them.
2 comments:
For what it's worth, I think you are an awesome mom. Not being a mom, I don't really have any words of wisdom. I'm sure it can be so frustrating some days, but I don't think that is any reflection on you. It's a tough job! I like that quote that says something like "There is no way to be a perfect mom, but a million ways to be a good one."
You ARE a great mom Amanda. You might want to check out the book "Raising Your Spiritied Child." I have days like you are having often. Let me know if you ever want an outside perspective or if you just want to chat. I'm headed down to Eugene today with family, but I will call you tonight!
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